International trainer, certified transformative coach and Management consultant, Fahad Farook shares his bit of advice on conflicts in the workplace and his game changing strategies which are also relevant to your personal life. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner so here are a few tips and suggestions to avoid arguments with your significant other!
- Conflicts in the workplace can be quite disruptive. This is quite normal and to be expected. Here are three tips for resolving workplace arguments:
I use a simple approach I call ‘Triple A’, let me break it down for you:
- Accept: Sri Lankan’s are amazing at avoiding and denying conflict. The first step would be to actually avoid looking in the opposite direction and then acknowledge that there is something that needs to be addressed.
- Analyze: Be smart about the conflict; it’s like a game of chess, think about what the other person might want, what might be their expectations of you or the situation, what factors and variables are at play. Plan out your approaches and contingencies.
- Approach: Remember a conflict is resolvable through conversation. It maybe a long, uncomfortable conversation, but think about it – It’s worth it and so is the end result. The best time to approach will never come, so look for a ‘reasonably okay time’ to talk to the other party.
- How to react when an argument takes place at the workplace.
First up you’ve got to understand that an argument is different to a conflict! Arguments are usually just a back and forth of shouting and not a lot of understanding! My go to reaction in an argument is: ‘What’s the shortest route to my peace of mind’, sometimes it’s walking away and waiting till the temper eases up a bit, sometimes it might be yelling a bit more to let some steam loose, although I recommend yelling at a wall rather than a person! Bottom line with an argument is to first see if you can make it a rational conflict that you can then resolve, but if someone is yelling/arguing just for the sake of it or to get their frustration and anger out, my advice is to find the quickest exit route, because there are no winners in that situation.
- Most of this can also be relevant to arguments you have with your significant other. How can you practice acceptance or exercise patience?
Conflict and arguments are essential to a strong relationship. Because if your communication and emotional maturity is good enough, the relationship will be stronger after the argument than it was before. You don’t always have to agree or accept the other persons opinion, but you DO need to show them that you are making the effort to understand and not just assuming or trying to prove your point. At the end of the day, a compromise made by two people is far better than a sacrifice by one.
- Game changing strategy: Is there one?
With the my Wisdom Coaching Program I talk to a lot of people who have constant conflicts/arguments with their significant other and a game changing strategy I help them use is asking them to identify the ‘Loaded Words’, these words can vary from ‘I feel Frustrated’ to I want something Exciting’. They then need to ask their partner to explain what this loaded word means to them. Because we assume we know what they mean when they say frustrated or exciting but more often than not, what that means to you is different to what it means to others. I guarantee that this will simplify the aspect of understanding where the conflict has originated from. This isn’t easy to do, so seeking professional help might make sense.
By Nadia Issadeen